Leading Self: Bring Your Whole Self to Work
Countless articles will list the qualities of great leadership but very few tell you to start with yourself. The best leaders are the ones who know themselves well enough to admit their limitations and lead from their strengths.
In this blog, you will:
Explore what it means to lead as your whole self,
Understand how to make decisions based on your unique values, and
Grow your social capital by revealing more of yourself to others.
Read on to start bringing your whole self to work.
What is Whole Self?
Despite the movement toward a more open and diverse workspace, bringing your “whole self” to work is still very much a foreign concept. This video walks through a model from Frederic Laloux’s Reinventing Organizations that demonstrates our tendency to limit our personalities in the workplace.
Essentially, we tend to show up as one sixteenth of our full selves, and many (women and people of color especially) struggle the most to excel in environments where the traditional masculine culture rewarded over intuitive, spiritual and emotional facets.
Diversity is the breeding ground for innovation and the future of most companies depends on shifting what we bring into the workspace. Bringing our whole selves to work means:
Demonstrating transparency in decision making,
Allowing for multiple points of view,
Taking creative risks,
Learning from mistakes,
Achieving buy-in through inclusive processes, and ultimately,
Making higher quality decisions that drive revenue.
Discover and Use Your Values
Think of a leader who you admire greatly. What is it about them that you admire the most?
If you’re like most, the qualities that draw us to follow someone have less to do with their hard skills and more to do with their “soft” skills, usually demonstrated by how they move others or handle conflict. In “Why Should Anyone be Led by You,” Goffee and Jones, talk about the leadership qualities that capture people’s hearts, minds and spirits, all of which fall more in the “deeper self” that Laloux notes.
Show that you are a human through selectively revealing weaknesses.
Be a “sensor” by listening and asking questions.
Manage with “tough empathy” by giving people what they need to succeed without overwhelm.
Plenty of articles tell you what qualities make up a good leader. We argue that the qualities that will make you a good leader are your drivers and personal values that are unique only to you.
TRY THIS: Values Discovery (15 mins)
Who was the leader you thought of when we asked you earlier? What were some of the values and drivers that they demonstrated through their actions? Are you ready for a mind blow?
The concept of “Psychology of Admiration” tells us that the things that we admire most in others are already within us. That means that you have the potential to inspire others in the same way that this person inspired you.
Try this journaling activity to dig a little deeper into your leadership values.
1) What are some of your core values? (Check out this blog if you need help)
For example, you might think about a recent event where you led others effectively and think about what drove your decision-making. Was it a need for inclusion? Was it a need for purpose and action?
2) Choose one of the values you listed and consider, how do you currently lead from this value?
For example, do you find yourself pushing for changes that would enable speed or efficiency? Do you find yourself reaching out to individuals on your team to show compassion and care? Your values show up in how you communicate and make decisions, both effectively and (sometimes) ineffectively.
3) How does this value serve you and how might it also limit you?
For example, valuing compassion is great when someone is having a hard day but maybe ineffective if this person needs to be challenged in a different way.
4) How might you cultivate the best of this value going forward?
For example, using our compassion example, perhaps moving forward, you become more choiceful about when you offer compassion and when you offer coaching instead.
5) Repeat the prompts 2-4 with other values.
6) Reflect on how your work environment might be different if you followed through on cultivating your leadership values in action.
Values as Decision Models
If you know your values, you can use them to help you make decisions. As a final step, consider a tough situation you may be in right now. Choose one of your values and think about, “If I operated from this value, what would I do?”
Other questions to consider:
What value would best serve me?
What value would best serve others?
What might others value and how might I make space for that?
For more intense conflict, check out this blog on setting boundaries, with strategies on how to have difficult conversations.
Grow Your Social Capital
Social capital simply put is the degree to which the view of ourselves matches how others view us. In leadership, having an aligned view is most helpful for leading with the trust and support of those impacted by your decisions. This aligned view is part of leading from our whole selves.
The JoHari Window model was created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham as a way of assessing social capital.
Fun fact: The name “JoHari” is a combination of the names “Joseph” and “Harrington.”
Going clockwise starting in the upper left corner of the “window”, we have the “public” arena. In this area is anything about yourself that is known to you and known to others. To the right is anything that is known to others, but unknown to you. In other words, your “blind” spots. The “blind” is a breeding ground for stereotypes and misunderstanding. Below that is “unconscious” territory or things that are unknown to both you and others. This is where your untapped potential lies. Lastly, the “hidden” category holds things that you know that others don’t. Often this is where we place our fears.
The idea here is that you alway try to expand the public “window.” You can shrink your blind spots by asking for feedback. You can reduce what is hidden when you disclose more about yourself. You don’t have to tell your whole life story, but when we disclose more of what is behind our decisions, we invite others to open up as well. This process means more opportunity to gain support and buy-in, which is particularly important for organizational change.
Here’s a formula to help you remember:
TRY THIS: Expanding Your Window (30 mins + time to gather feedback)
Prework: Go grab your latest leadership assessment or 360 report or take time to write down five to 10 pieces of workplace feedback you have received in the last year, both positive and constructive. Also, write down five to 10 pieces of feedback you have for yourself, both positive and constructive.
Don’t have any feedback? Use these questions in a survey, email or interview format to gather insights from at least three people you work with, preferably one person you report to, a peer and someone who reports to you. Be sure to let them know how you’re using the information and say thank you when you receive the feedback.
1. What are 3-5 things you feel that I do well as a leader?
2. What are 3-5 things you feel I could work on as a leader?
For more tips on feedback, check out: Mastering the Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback.
1) Download and print this worksheet.
2) In the public window, list things that are known to both you and others.
For example, I see myself as a positive person and others seem to as well.
3) In the blind window, list things that are known to others but were not known to you originally.
For example, others see me as confident, but I actually feel insecure all the time.
Skip the unconscious window. We don’t know what we don’t know. This will emerge over time.
4) In the hidden window, list things that you know about yourself that you expected to see come up in the feedback.
For example, I know that I am afraid of failure and others don’t seem to observe that in me.
5) Reflect a bit. What’s in your hidden window that you thought was public? What’s in your blind spot that you are surprised to see? What’s in the public window that you thought was hidden? What did you expect to receive feedback on that didn’t come up at all?
6) With your window completed, consider some possible next steps. What might you disclose from the hidden window to build trust and mutual understanding? How might you take action on some of your blind spots?
Asking these questions and taking follow-up actions is how you expand your public window. Bring others along in the process and ask for feedback at regular intervals to measure progress.
7) Set a vision and goals for improvement. Use this blog on personal visioning and goal-setting to help guide your thinking.
This article may contain affiliate and/or compensated links. For more information, please read our disclosure here.
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This blog is part of a series — 10 Steps to Grow Yourself as a Leader:
Listening Made Simple Part II: 3 Skills for Listening to Others
Self-Coaching Activity: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First (Energy Renewal and Self-Care)
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